As the end of the school year approaches, I am feeling ways I thought I never would. I was so happy to graduate high school, and very much looking forward to the future. I didn't care that I would be leaving some of my friends or teachers. I wanted to leave high school, and was convinced I would be much happier somewhere else. But now, I am feeling very scared and hesitant. The future I wanted to so badly now seems so frightening. I have become closer with people at the end of the year, and I am not ready to leave them. There are relationships I care deeply about that will never be the same. I know it is my time to leave, but why does it feel like I am backtracking.
I am also going to school all the way across the country. That doesn't scare me as much. I know I would be scared no matter what school I attend, but it is daunting to think everyone I love is a plane ride away. However, this is what I signed up for.
I have to remind myself that I chose this path, and it is one I am very excited about. I am going to be okay. I love the school I chose, and the people that are meant to stay in my life will. It will really all be fine. It's hard to keep reminding myself that my feelings are normal, because I feel like we don't talk about how scared we are enough. I think social media plays a big part in that, too. From what I can tell, everyone is having great freshman year experiences at whatever college they chose. But, social media isn't real, and that isn't how their life is really going.
I am excited. But lately I have been feeling more scared. And that is okay.
Illustration by Greg McIndoe